9 March 2017
I am feeling rather confused these days.
Neither one thing nor another.
This is entirely my own fault as I have taken the decision to change jobs and move onto pastures new.
Not wanting to leave LTL with a big gap between my leaving and the new person starting I have given almost six months notice but have found that even that may not be enough and there may still be a gap.
To try and mitigate this I am making like a two headed hydra and trying to 'bank' some handover hours in my new post that I can claim back after I start in case LTL has an interregnum and needs me to pop in to make the tea or top up the biscuits.
In effect this means double the budget planning, double the staff and Board meetings and double the networking and development.
What it also means though is lots of nice existing contacts seemingly genuinely interested in my new role and drawing links between their work and my new job which is exciting.
I don't seem to have had the same impact on our funders who are heaving a collective sigh of relief that I am leaving the sector and might stop banging on their doors for money. Their cheery 'goodbye's seem a little forced and high pitched and their waving a little too enthusiastic.
Then there is that whole other business of leaving. That dark shadow of gloom. That hanging sword of Damocles - the jobs ' not quite gotten around to'.
So I am now frantically trying to sweep up the remnants of long past commitments unmet, systems unsorted, cataloguing undone and curled up dusty post-it notes too faded to read.I have tried to sweep some of these under the carpet, but I know exactly what will happen. The new incumbent will immediately head for the carpet, fling it up with a knowing 'Huzzah!' and expose my duplicity for all to see.
So the tough route it is. Hours of tidying my files and sorting my intentions.
And I know that, despite all that, there will still be plenty of 'Huzzah!'s as my multitudinous errors are uncovered and dragged blinking into the light to be held to account.
And then....and then....there is The Recruitment.
That excoriating process of an agency coming in and talking to staff and Trustees about what is needed going forward before they create a beautiful job advert that makes me think 'Oh great job - I should go for that'....errrr...hang on.
Little things that I spot in the candidate brief that refer obliquely to things I have never thought of which means that someone has been coming up with fabulous new ideas and can't wait for me to go so they can try them out.
Light hearted comments like 'not everyone wants a clone of what we had before' leading to long dark nights of the soul wondering who it is that would prefer not to have me around and why.
Hours spent talking to people on the telephone and telling them all the same thing about this job.
The thing is. This is a great job. A great charity and a terrific team of staff.
I want the next person in this role to be passionate and committed.
I want them to love the team and stand for them whenever needed whilst letting them fly like eagles.
I want them to be so passionate about the outdoors that they either cry or get mad when policy forces us all inside and ruins our planet.
I want them to listen to the wisdom of our Trustees and be prepared to be wrong for the greater good. I want them to be humble and respectful and kind and honest.
I want them to inspire, to innovate, to lead and, above all, to care.